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Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Dammit, It Stinks!)

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How about this, Abandon-Nation? The Last Jedi Stinks: A movie review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Why the F not. If I wanted to, I could write about quilting. That’s the cool thing about blogging, right?!? But don’t worry, folks. I won’t stray too far afield. I just have some stuff to get off my chest on this latest installment of my favorite childhood (slash manhood) saga.

NOTE: SPOILERS APPEAR FROM THIS POINT FORWARD. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU’RE PLANNING TO SEE THE FILM. ALSO, DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU’RE EXPECTING ANECDOTES ABOUT EARLY RETIREMENT.

(Update 4/10/18: The punchline is this: I thought this movie stunk as soon as the closing credits rolled. I have had a lot of time to rethink that original feeling, and even saw the film twice more just to be sure. It still stinks. Let’s hope that J.J. can pull this reboot from galactic trash compactor with Episode 9!)

 

What I liked about the film

First off, there’s an appearance by Yoda. And to boot, it’s the puppet Yoda from the original trilogy! Score one for hand-crafted film-making over lazy digital effects! Even better still, Yoda LAUGHED. I think we got one little giggle out of him in the overly serious prequel trilogy.

Second, I enjoyed the bombing run sequence on the First Order’s dreadnought in the opening sequence. That was somewhat new territory for Star Wars. Lo and behold, cluster bombs a la World War II actually work in space! As a total Star Wars geek, I was happy to see a new and interesting way for spaceships to get blown to smithereens.

Third, I thought it was effective how Kylo Ren’s character continued to develop through many twists and turns. You leave wondering if all of his toying with Rey was purely a manipulation on his part to help him off Snoke. Probably?

Fourth, there was a solid plot line that stitched the theme of the film together. Boiled down: Failure is the best teacher. Learn from failure and improve. Luke had to hear it from Yoda so he could start to put his failures with Ben Solo behind him. The Resistance will have to learn from its trouncing in this film if they’re to make any progress in Episode 9.

Finally, that last scene with Luke pulling a cross-universe telepresence? Not bad.

 

Where it went wrong (in my humble opinion)

Cinematically, George Lucas had a knack for making his special effects pop on the screen. With the first trilogy, he took his time showcasing cool scenes. The best example is the first time we hear the Imperial March, with a long, drawn out sequence of what I like to call, Star Destroyer Porn. The Empire Strikes Back will never be topped.

Also consider the simple sandcrawler sequence in A New Hope. A showcase of John Williams music with no dialogue. Instead of the MTV sound and fury we get in today’s movies (thank you, social media induced lack of attention span), time was taken to draw you into another world. To me, the sandcrawler sequence is pure Star Wars.

Sadly, The Last Jedi settles for the modern approach to the now standard ADHD film experience. The only sequences that come close to tone-setting and pulling you in are the overdone board of tourism pans of the island of Ach-to. Snore.

I could’ve slept through the Canto Bight casino sequences. I sort of appreciate how the film tries to make a subtle political point about the haves and have-nots. Basically, the one-percenters are First Order types and everyone else is the Resistance. It’s a bit of a reach, but I get it.

Sadly though, these little political notions distract from the Star Wars ethos that is less nuanced. It’s simple “Space Nazis vs. The Good Guys.” Sadly, the action scenes with Finn and Rose felt like pure filler. The casino setting itself didn’t present anything new or interesting to the Star Wars universe. They even ripped off the cantina music from A New Hope.

Much of the humor fell flat. There were moments that stood out, like when Luke offered his green milk to Rey (after milking a walrus of some sort.) In fairness, I did enjoy the accidental crushing of the caretakers cart, courtesy of Rey. And Chewbacca roasting a porg like a game hen in front of its whimpering friends was cute.

But then there’s the opening sequence of Dameron Poe tooling with Hux. That was over the top. In fact, making Hux the punching bag of the movie seemed like a cruel devolution of his character from The Force Awakens. I also thought the imperial steam pressing sequence was a prop best left for a Mel Brooks film. And Finn walking around with tubes of leaking saline? Droid, please!!!

 

Is there anyone in the First Order we should be afraid of?

Any bad-asses besides maybe a whiny and unstable Kylo Ren? Captain Phasma ended her run in the series with a thud. I guess she’s the new Bob Fett – looks cool, but otherwise completely inept.

The reason the Empire was so scary as a kid is they reminded us of the principal at school (or military school.) The Empire were disciplined and cocksure. Even if stormtroopers never scored a hit, their officers were pretty frightening and merciless.

The First Order is apparently a bunch of keystone cops. I really can’t comprehend how they wind up coming off so underwhelming, despite their success in grinding the Resistance into a band that now fits into one Millennium Falcon by the end of the film.

The Last Jedi Stinks, especially or us fan boys (and fan girls!)

So you’re going to kill off Snoke that easily? Okay. How about giving us some nugget about his origins? Or, should we expect another prequel trilogy to lay it out for us? I know a lot of people thought the hologram Snoke in The Force Awakens was cheap. But I thought it made him menacing. What is his agenda? Is there something about him we need to care about for the next episode?

Maybe I’m just projecting too much original Star Wars on this dud. Maybe Rian Johnson deserves some credit for short-circuiting our preconceived notions of how we think the plot should work. Still, killing off the most powerful dude in the neighborhood that early in the second act just simply took the wind out of the movie’s sails.

Another dagger was the scene with Princess Leia pulling an outer space Lazarus, using her force powers to fly back to the ship after being exposed in space long enough to check your latest Facebook posts. Crazy sh*t. I think it’s cool that she has force powers, but seeing her fly/float back like Mary Poppins was pretty cheesy.

The final battle scene with the new, impressively huge walkers could’ve been better, but it felt rushed. I guess in Johnson’s mind, if the sequence appears at the end of the film, it’s completely unique from the snow battle in Empire. Nope. In fact, it was another wasted opportunity. Nothing menacing about those machines. They just stop and stand there.

The comical part was how the Resistance figured some cheap old pod-racers on skids stood an iota of a chance against those oversized walkers. Why not spend that time looking for the backdoor exit, when the odds are clearly not in your favor? I was really hoping Finn would complete his sacrifice, to add a just a touch of gravitas to this sad middle chapter. But in a very cliche way, he’s saved by Rose.

Benicio Del Toro’s character “DJ” was tiring and cliche. ’nuff said.

 

Wrapping it all up: The Last Jedi Stinks

Ultimately this is a film that falls short when stacked up against the offerings in the Star Wars universe that came before. It’s better than Attack of the Clones, but at least Clones had some sweet Jango Fett sequences to fall back on. The Last Jedi had few, if any clever, crafty, or memorable sequences. The movie score was seemingly missing. Only familiar themes, like Rey’s, stood out.

Should you go see it? Yes. Will you want to see it again? I felt a little better after seeing it the second time. I’m such a geek that I’ve been known to go three or four times to see a Star Wars movie in the theater. This one just doesn’t elicit anywhere near the same level of magic.

Since Disney acquired the franchise, we’re in for an overdose of Star Wars. Now that we get a new installment every year instead of once every three, fatigue might be setting in.

I will admit to watching Rogue One after my first viewing of “Last Jedi”, just to try to clear my brain of all the shortcomings. Or, maybe I was subconsciously still geeked cuz, well, it’s still Star Wars!!! Regardless, I’m already looking forward to J.J. Abrams’ return to the helm for episode 9.

Time to hunker down on more personal finance until the next installment. What was your take on this movie? 

 

Postscript: Some are suggesting that the spate of negativity against this move is from viral “bots” employed by a few haters. There’s even an Alt-Right moron who has admitted to being behind some of the backlash.

This movie fell flat for me based on its merits, and I’m a progressive supporter of the diversity and empowerment that Star Wars has finally brought to the screen. But even diversity can’t help make up for all the missing parts that made a few of the previous chapters magical. 

 

Featured Photo by Michael on Unsplash

 

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Comments

  1. I tend to agree with you. I thought it had few good scenes, and the humor seemed forced in most cases (Poe/Hux, the overly Disneyicized little owl things, etc.). I did really like when Vice Admiral Holdo decided to go all light speed and cut a ship in half, those were some cool effects. Plus she died so that was icing on the cake.

    Overall I was disappointed. It had some good parts, to be sure, but fell flat in many other ways. No background on Snoke (why the hell do all bad guys appear and then die in like one movie these days?), some over-the-top Jedi magic, and some potentially awesome scenes falling short…

    Reply

    • Hey Dave. You pretty much summed up my feelings to a “T.” I was so disappointed I was hoping for Rey to be the last and only person to make it onto the Falcon at the end. Chewy and R2 along for the ride of course.
      Even “Clones” had me leaving the theater with a sense of childhood buzz. But this was the first SW movie I left feeling completely let down.

      Reply

  2. Apparently I don’t get to read this post yet! We have plans to (hopefully) make our annual visit to the movie theater to see it soon so I can join this discussion 😉

    Reply

    • Don’t hold anything back! Assuming you like it, and I hope you do, definitely come back and share. I really want to find a way to like this thing and overlook the stuff that fell flat for me.

      Reply

    • One thing I’d recommend: Get tickets to a reserved seating show, and don’t take your seat until 15 minutes after “start time.” It might improve your impression of the show if you’re not sitting there for 3.5 hours.

      Reply

  4. Don’t feel confined to only blog about one topic my friend! Let er rip!

    I’m kind of a couple movies behind so I didn’t read the whole post. I’m hoping to catch up soon. You aren’t alone in the criticisms from what I’ve been seeing out there though.

    Reply

    • For my next trick, I’ll post a tomato soup recipe. Just kidding. 🙂
      Go see the movie and let me know what you think. I kind of wish they’d let Leia fly that cruiser into the mothership but I’m not a Hollywood director. Side hustle list – adding #32.

      Reply

    • Awesome! I’m honored that you took the time to work through all of my random thoughts. If nothing else, I hope you found some sliver of improvement as the posts got newer.
      Of late I’ve been seeking to find the right balance of opinion, personal story, and useful information.

      Reply

  6. I don’t plan to see it. I lost interest in the Star Wars movies several episodes ago. The main problem is that they’ve made way too many of them. The whole scenario has gotten old and tired. Not surprised that this latest one is a stinker.

    Reply

    • I can’t argue with that too much. There is a bit of fatigue at play, possibly.

      Still, the Star Wars universe is so large and expansive. Why this movie was so lazily slapped together is anyone’s guess.

      Reply

  7. I felt similar about TLJ after seeing it. I walked out of there feeling …bored? Which was a little upsetting cause I definitely shed a tear for the bombing opening sequence with the Tico sister. Speaking of Tico, Rose and Finn…wut? Not only did they have no real chemistry, but I felt like they gave Finn a girlfriend so people would be more open to Kylo and Rey getting together in the third installment (which originally I did not really see after TFA, but it’s all over TLJ and I’ll admit, I’m into it).

    While I didn’t love it, I’ve already seen it twice with plans for a third and while I know some people absolutely hate it (as if they’ve forgotten the prequels), I’m excited to see where this leads us. This is the middle movie in a trilogy, it can’t be all exciting/funny/action scenes and things aren’t going to wrap up perfectly.

    But if Rey and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo aren’t end game, I’m totally going to rage.

    Reply

    • Hey there, Sam. I’ll be honest that I hadn’t thought through the romantic “possibilities” between Rey and Kylo. Maybe because he’s already committed so much evil I find it hard to believe he’ll redeem himself “enough” in Rey’s eyes. OR, maybe she turns to the dark side? Either way, I think J.J. has been served up a lot of loose ends to bring together into a satisfying conclusion.
      What you said about “being bored” is exactly my knock on this thing. Give me a fright. Make me care. Do SOMETHING. On second viewing, I got a little more of the “caring” only because the Yoda scene was there to save the entire movie.

      Reply

  8. I thought it was just awful! I hated all that CGI. The puppet Yoda was the one good decision they made, it seems. I have been waiting 2 years to learn something – not everything but something – about what was behind Rey’s TFA vision. Why did Luke’s light saber call out to her? Why did she see scenes from his life? Why did Obi Wan speak to her? We got nothing. She’s just a superwoman who doesn’t need training like Luke did, or Anakin did; heck she can even beat Luke, who was trained by 2 jedi masters, in a fight. It was just absurd. Aside from not being credible, when someone is so powerful there is no suspsense — because you know they can do anything.

    I also didn’t believe Luke, who would not kill Vader, considered killing Ben, or that he would abandon his sister and her cause for decades, or that he would leave a map to his whereabouts only so that he could tell Rey to “go away” once he was located.

    The whole movie just didn’t make a whole lot of sense. TFA was SO much better!

    Reply

    • Hey Zoe! Thanks for leaving your thoughts. You nailed it on your second point. If you’re a Star Wars fanatic, you hung on to those mysteries spun up out of The Force Awakens. Two years later, nearly all of those mysteries were dashed in a flip twist in The Last Jedi. Some are calling that the genius behind this film, but I left the theater feeling underwhelmed. I’m with you too on how they portrayed Luke contemplating taking out his nephew. If he was really that concerned, there are “Jedi ways” for dealing with baddies. Even Mace Windu offered an arrest of Palpatine before the sh*t went down in his office. Sigh…

      Reply

  9. Well, only one episode to wrap this thing up..I’m disappointed in the the whole trilogy so far…just more repetition…more death stars, stormtroopers and space nazi’s. and emperors. They could have created a new threat to the galaxy other than another Empire 2.0. They still could have used Han, Luke and Leia as an attachment to the past, but no, had to remake ANH into TFA..truly sad. A whole galaxy to work with and they redo the empire thing. Too late now we are stuck on a road to predictability. Rey and Kylo will fight the final death…the Resistance will recuit more members with more ships to fight the last battle….if they create another death star, I swear I’m walking out. As a Gen X er who was 7 at the time of A New Hope, I am thoroughly disgusted what they have done to this generation’s Star Wars…you young people deserved better…something new, something truly epic.

    Reply

    • Hey there, Eric. Come to think of it, you’re spot on. Why not introduce some new invasive alien species, or, some new sect of dangerous force wielders? I would argue that the cartoons Dave Filoni and team have created in Clone Wars and Rebels are far more creative, but alas, aren’t engineered to produce Disney-level ticket sales expectations.
      At the very least, the new trilogy does have improved acting and fantastic special effects. Just need that magic back. With one episode to go, I’m dubious it can be done, just as you state.

      Reply

  10. The movie is much worse than this review says. But I want to ask you about the “Post Script”. Are you SERIOUSLY saying that “diversity and empowerment have FINALLY been brought to the screen (in Star Wars)”. Seriously. I guess you never watched the first 6 Star Wars movies.

    Reply

    • I tend to agree, Joe. I softened my initial draft after a second viewing though.

      I don’t think I intended to make such a direct assessment in my postscript. The first 6 movies were not bad by modern diversity and empowerment standards.

      Reply

  11. TLJ really makes Hux look inept. The movie is a bit over the top with humor in some key areas. I didn’t like the tossing of the saber. I overlooked the weirdness of the slow bomber run. But i was truly like wtf when watching the Mary Poppins scene and then opening the bay door with the force – so ridiculously stupid. Lukes character didn’t make sense, why the heck did he make a darn map?? Luke’s whole character story doesn’t make sense when you consider how he acted in ROJ. I overlooked Rey’s ridiculous power from TFA but TLJ just made it worse – Mary Sue. The identity politics and SJW stuff has no room in Star Wars movies. Holdo is the worst…and while i loved the beauty of the hyperdrive scene, it creates problems.
    Charater development is lost. I really hope episode 9 explains why Rey had these powers in TFA and TLJ with no training. She achieved all of these powers over the course of four or five days or so it seems. This was the episode that should have answered a few of the mystery boxes left over from JJ Abrams. But R.Johnson sh*t all over it…i have little interest in Finn, Rey, and Poe going into the final episode – little character development.

    Rose was a wierd and annoying character. That is coming from someone that likes Jar Jar and the Gungans.

    The Canto bite scene didnt fit and it didn’t make sense…and the political crap in not needed. A master code breaker, really?

    Haldo and the SJW nonsense is not needed.

    Say it, nobody really enjoyed TLJ. We rather be drunkards then ever watch the BluRay. Kathleen Kennedy and Rian Johnson are sending SW into the paupers’ grave.

    Reply

    • Hey Bill! I tend to agree with all of your points. I could have overlooked most of this, if only Johnson had captured the spirit of who Luke really was. Ideally, Luke would have tried to steal his nephew away with him to Ach-to, not try to kill him. That’d be the main plot point I’d have rewritten, if given a chance.

      Reply

  12. If it was just a horrible movie, that would be one thing. But this was a Star Wars movie that was anti-Star Wars! What a mistake.

    Reply

    • Well-put! An anti-Star Wars movie if ever there was one. It’d be like making Smokey and the Bandit a suspense thriller drama. If the formula ain’t broke, don’t fix it!!!

      Reply

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