Send in the Retirement Police! Cubert is a Fraud. After all, he’s planning to actually WORK (the big, bad “W” word!!!) when he “retires.” Who does this guy think he is, writing all this drivel? No one’s going to believe the crap he writes here. Heck, his wife is still going to be working for at least 10 years after he’s hung it up. Trying to define retirement? Get bent!
And what about all those rental properties? You can’t manage five locations without getting stressed out and (uh oh, here it comes again) WORKING!!! He’s pulling six figures now? I bet he makes five figures from his blog too. Why else would he keep getting up at 5AM everyday to write two posts a week?
Go ahead, Cubert. Define Retirement. We Dare you.
Wow. The guy in the intro paragraph sure had it in for me, eh? I feel exposed. Defeated. And maybe only game to make this a 1,000 word post today. (Please forgive me, Lords of SEO!) Do I have some things to confess? Some stuff to get off my chest? I suppose so.
Slowly and ever so cautiously I’ve left bread crumbs about my own financial situation. Sometimes I’m pretty clear about the big plan, and the details behind it. But unlike many other bloggers, I don’t reveal too much about our spending, our income, and blog traffic or blog income.
My post on Monday was one where I “let it all hang out”, so to speak. It’s easy enough to see that we make a good income. Now in my mid-40s, and Mrs. Cubert over ten years into her practice, we’ve become veterans in our fields.
Making good money isn’t something to apologize for, but I’m certainly aware of how difficult it is starting out. Heck, I remember my first real, salaried job out of undergrad way back in ’95: $27,500. And my pay didn’t exactly rocket-off from there in subsequent years.
Let’s see… For the heck of it, 8% annual 401K savings on $27,500 was $2,200. I think we had a 50% employer match for the first 6%, so in total, $3,025. The kernel of the snowball…
Why should I care
Who cares if I’m a fraud, anyhow? Maybe some of this advice is still good, and can help you save some money, or focus more on the important things in life, like people and personal growth? Shit! What a revelation.
But what if I’m leading one of my six readers astray? What if he or she is taking the bait, and putting all of his or her faith into an early retirement that’s actually a hidden trap? (Question here. Do I go for the good ol’ Admiral Ackbar GIF, or try to find something from a great video game of the past… Hmmm…. Tap. tap. tap…)
Traversing the pit of early retirement despair….
No no. That’s not it…
Dammit, Ackbar. You always have to have the last word, don’t you?
What were you talking about again?
Oh yeah. The fraud that is me. I thought a little Ackbar would distract you from the truth. As for my frugal side, well that’s nothing to brag about lately. I’ve been really bad this week. Three coffees at the on-campus coffee shop, and one lunch (likely two) from the cafeteria. Bring on the clowns.
Yes. Admittedly I’ve been a bit more relaxed about little things like coffees, and spending a bit more on date nights. *But in my defense, I’m still making some well-informed “big picture” moves. The Airbnb Experiment is churning along pretty well now. I’m about 60% to the goal for first year returns. Speaking of churning, I’m onto my second bonus point travel card of 2018. Clap clap clap!
Self-righteous and smug son of a gun
Want to feel bad about yourself today? Come read some Cubert! Yeah yeah! We stay in pretty decent shape. We happen to have heard that regular exercise keeps you alive longer and helps you avoid medical bills later in life. It’s pretty controversial stuff. I mean, who wants to get off their ass and exercise? So lame.
We eat well too. Mainly a vegetarian diet, though I’m known to go for meat a few times a week. And that is SUPER SMUG of me to even suggest that eating well, on top of exercising, might be a good thing for your health (and eventually your wallet.) If I could hit myself I would. But you know I’m being just a tish tongue in cheek throughout this exercise, right…?
Quit telling us to save money, when we all know the world is going to hell in a handbasket!
Oh right. I should scroll back up to Ackbar before I forget that all this early retirement stuff is a T-R-A-P TRAP! I mean, in all dead honest seriousness, what if we don’t have healthcare when we turn 75? How will we afford the medical bills, if we get attacked by wolves on the way to the garage?
Or worse, a third Death Star, this time powered by Tesla, suddenly emerges on the horizon? I should suggest that you’re better off staying put in that cubicle, to avoid medical bills and wolves… But Death Stars???
Hypocrite. You still work. Your blog is pumping out massive income. Six readers? You’re crushing it!
Whoah whoah whoah!!! Nelly. Guilty as charged. I suspect the fraud in me just can’t help but avoid idle hands. I mean, I really should be skiing, snorkeling, or playing slots all day. Writing blog posts? That’s work. Managing rental properties and doing the hands on LABOR to keep them up to snuff? Fuckin-A, Cubert!
In fairness, this blog does pretty damn well. Abandoned Cubicle Enterprises reaps about $100 a month, which is enough to pay our vision plan when I retire. From an hourly perspective, I make about $1.67 on this project. TAX FREE, BITCHES!
You belong in jail. Or worse, a CUBICLE!!!
Man. I’m getting no love today. I try to share what I think has worked for me. I try to use realistic examples. Heck, I even share when I fall flat on my face and fail. I’ve exceeded my 1,000 word limit for today. I’m spent. But I want all of you dear, six readers (What? It’s now down to three?)
I want all of you three readers to know that this blog is not intended to solve all of your personal financial problems. I’m not trying to tell you, parents of children with special needs, or families with extenuating circumstances, that early retirement is the cure-all for YOU.
Yes, there are some tips, tactics, and so on that could help your general financial health. That’s true regardless of whether you quit employment-at-will early.
But I’m not too naive to recognize that what I write about here, and what many personal finance bloggers write about there, is specifically targeted to people who have no excuses. You know, the ones who can but don’t, who should but won’t, who would’ve, could’ve, but still find themselves locked in a cube at 60, waiting to use their jet ski on Saturday.