It feels good to be back. Vacations are great to recharge the batteries, but I was getting antsy to hit the keys again. Not that I miss the cubicle. I’m not a sadist after all… Inspired by some wisdom gathered from my in-laws while out west, I wanted to share some thoughts about boredom in retirement. For aspiring early retirees especially, this is not a topic to ignore!
My handy little list of blog topics had run out well before I left. I’m happy to report that I spent a few minutes on the flight home last week, brainstorming a bunch of new subjects. That should keep the wheels on for at least a few more months.
Boredom in Retirement: the devil we want to avoid
We spent our vacation visiting my in-laws, who have by all accounts, retired in style. They left behind the cold and blustery Midwest for the warm desert sun roughly a decade ago, just a few years before hitting 60.
To be clear, they’re nowhere near “bored.” Not anywhere close. They keep a healthy social circle. Activities abound where they live, in a community designed for the 55+ set: Golf, bridge, fitness center, gaming, some travel, and part-time work keeps the agenda full enough.
That said, my father-in-law has had a good run coaching part-time for the local school system, but he’s about at his rope’s end. Dealing with a chronically underfunded school system has its limits.
The trouble is, if he gives up the part-time gig, boredom is sure to strike. What’s a retiree to do???
Traditional Retirement: A Booby-trap of Boredom
You bust your hump over the course of multiple decades. You spend two-thirds of your able adult life churning through jobs, paychecks, and bills. You see your kids off to school, college, and weddings. At some point you’re ready to have a slice of that f**king cake and be DONE.
Then, you get to the finish line. Crickets. For many, this is the reality. You find that your identity has inextricably become tied to the job you held for all those years. Your friends? They’re all back at the office. Or, they’ve scattered to the four retirement winds (Florida, Arizona, Nevada, and I dunno, Texas?)
Boredom in early retirement? It really doesn’t matter how old you are, or how many years you’ve spent working that day job. The devil doesn’t care.
Life Stages of Boredom
The Author’s Experience
Here’s my hypothesis: Boredom comes easy as a child, when you have very few obligations. If you’re lucky enough, your parents will leave you alone long enough so that you can learn on your own how to cope with boredom, by using your imagination.
Growing up, I had tons of alone time to feed my imagination. I wasn’t plugged into every conceivable activity, because frankly, there weren’t as many of them back in the 70s and 80s. Kids were allowed to be kids.
TV was a daily distraction, but only for about an hour or two. There was nothing “on-demand” back then, so you suffered through whatever those three main channels had to offer, repeats and all.
So, if I wasn’t watching some inane cartoon repeat, I was exploring in the backyard, riding bikes with neighborhood friends, or building some Lego creation that I’d later demolish in a fight with my Kenner Tie Fighter.
Teen boredom kind of sucks
I got into computers: coding simple games, and playing a sh*t ton of pirated ones, and always looking to upgrade. Boy did THAT help my dating game. I guess in some ways, you could chalk up my creative interests to a successful enough future, devoid of “distractions.”
The bottom hit about mid-way through college when I decided to stay in my dorm room through the summer as part of a summer work crew (painting, bunk repair, etc.) That ranks up there among the top 10 worst decisions I ever made. But I learned a lot from it.
I had no foresight as to how lonely it would get, when all my friends and the general student resident population cleared out of the building for the summer. Holy sh*t. That first week hit like a ton of bricks.
And then I gained a new friend (or two, or three???): Mr. Mouse wanted to share my Wonder Bread. He announced his arrival by chewing through the cellophane in the middle of the night. Rock bottom – hit.
Stages of decreasing boredom as an Adult
I learned the hard way. Boredom is compounded by the absence of people and social connections. Granted, after college, boredom still sucks eggs when you’re a bachelor. But ideally, you have a roommate or two to pass the time with. PlayStation at home, or pints of Guinness at Al’s Bar in St. Louis Park did the trick. Roommates are indispensable after a solid dumping by girlfriend X, Y, or Z.
Boredom decreases a bit when you’re dating and later get married. As a couple, you’ve got more options. Activities are easier to plan and sometimes just hanging out with a movie and take-out Thai is all you need. Still, you might find yourselves watching too much golf on television while napping with the cat on a Saturday afternoon.
Then you have kids
Boom. All of a sudden, you don’t have time for anything. Boredom is simply not even part of the equation anymore. If you do get bored, it’s bound to happen at work. And when that happens, you find a good blog or three to fill the void.
Eventually kids become more self-sufficient. School keeps them occupied, and friends start to take up more of their free time. You can see where this is going. Graduation, off to college (or a job, or the service) and a life of their own. And poof! you’ve become an Empty Nester. But hey, at least you have your boring job to keep you occupied, right??
So when boredom in retirement “strikes”, early or otherwise, it probably comes as a bit of a shock to the system. Who has time to thoughtfully plan for filling such a void? Consider that we spend almost all of our lives in a structured routine.
From the time we’re very young, it’s K-12. Then it’s maybe college or armed forces. Then… it’s WORK.
The Science of Boredom in Retirement
(You know what I love about blogging? I actually learn something while I write this sh*t. If I feel like I’m talking out of my backside, I can stop and Google it.) I’m betting that retirement takes us full circle, back to early childhood; to a time before all that structured activity. And because of that, it becomes real easy to fall into the “Boredom Booby Trap.”
And then, I’m curious if the coddled kid struggles more with boredom later in retirement, vs. the kid who was left to his or her own devices. The answer is probably obvious. I found countless articles pointing to how quickly retirees get disillusioned because they miss their daily social interactions at the office and are flat-out BORED. Some surely struggle more than others to replace old routines.
The key is this: You’ve got to find a new structure (i.e., “routine”) to replace the old one. Whether you’re an early retiree or a traditional retiree. Kids need structure. Adults need structure. In the absence of it, we get bored. We act out. We get depressed.
Notice how I didn’t say you need to find new work or a new job? I’m not arguing that retirees need to work the assembly line to find gratification. But you do need structure to replace the conveyor belt you’re currently on, or you’ll fall flat on your face, and sooner than you think.
Boredom in Retirement: Can it be Avoided?
It’s no surprise that many struggle with boredom after they’ve hung it up. We have good ol’ Jiro, still slinging sushi well into his 90s, because, well, sh*t. What’s he gonna do otherwise? On the flip-side, we have a bevy of early retirees traveling the globe and sucking the marrow out of the good life.
I’m willing to bet that a retired existence that keeps you immersed in a passion (e.g., landscaping, writing, or oil painting) is the basis for a solid structure. Personally, I can’t wait to have the newfound time to read more, to exercise more, and to write more. Volunteer work can easily fit into this new structure as well.
Any of you fine readers aspiring to retire in your mid-50s? Take a page from my friend Fritz, who shares that after 60 days of retirement, LIFE IS GOOD. His secret? Have a vision. Plain and simple, friends. Fritz and his wife spent the three years leading up to retirement envisioning their life in retirement. In his words:
- Intentionally accelerate your development of external interests.
- Think about what you want your retirement life to be, and begin building “bridges” (to) things that will last after retirement, while in your final working years.
As for me? I likely won’t be slinging sushi (or burgers). And I won’t be living out of airplane terminals to hop from one exotic locale to the next. But I will be living within a structured routine that I find incredibly more rewarding and enriching than the one I’m tied to now. Eat your heart out, Captain Caveman.
Post-script 8/8/19: I had coffee with a former colleague yesterday who got a retirement package a few months earlier at another company. After two months of loving “nothing”, he realized how much he missed his career, and he’s since jumped back into the corporate arena for a final five-year stint. Man. Goes to show that if you don’t plan thoroughly for your post-career years, you’re going to be in for a shock when boredom creeps in…
Yeah, even though you are someone who is financially stable, you will still get bored and search for more things that will make you much more happier. Wants just cant be stopped.
Right on. I’ve heard from too many who simply miss the social interaction and challenge that a job offers. Whether it’s part time (Like Accidental Fire) or consulting (Like Uncle Daryl), there are alternatives!
Good article to read, this guides me through when I feel like retiring from my job. It also looks me up to the bright side of retiring. This guide really helps you not to be bored. Thanks for sharing this article.
Thanks, my friend! This subject is one of my boogeymen to deal with before taking the ER plunge. The other is getting over FOMO and whether missing that cash flow will prevent us from fully enjoying this first world life. Oy…
I have no purpose and nothing to do. My entire childhood we moved around every year and I never made a friend. I got married and divorced and my children grew up and went away. I never had a rewarding career or job. Now I’m old, alone, and the people who loved me have rejected me and moved on and left me to die. My motivation is 0. I’m perfectly healthy but I find absolutely nothing outside of my house that pleases me. I don’t need anything and I don’t have anything I don’t need. I’m not crafty and I don’t like entertaining or socializing. I have no other living family and never made any friends because I never had anything to offer anyone. I’m just sitting around waiting to die.
I’m sorry to hear of your situation, Jane. Are there any old connections, either friends or colleagues you could reach out to? I wish you the best in finding some people you can confide in and perhaps share some common interests. If nothing else, visit blogs like mine. We have a pretty strong community here in the Internet space. Take care!!
My best friend and her husband retired last year and after 6 months spent moving house and sleeping, she’s gradually built a week of routines, with volunteering at a dog shelter, a bushwalking group, an art class and minding grandchildren twice a week.
She’s very happy with her new life.
🙂
Are you the Frogdancer Jones next door? Trying to keep up with the Frogdancer Jones’s, ya know… 😉
Thanks for stopping by! Your friend’s example is an excellent one. Establish a healthy and somewhat repeatable routine, with plenty of room for spontaneity. At what age did your friends retire?
I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, and something that a lot of people seem to mention is the importance of a routine. It’s probably no coincidence that I was feeling flat and demotivated not too long ago – and this happened at the same time my routine fell apart. Sleeping in late, falling out of exercise, eating crappy foods etc. I still need to bounce back, but I’m trying my best! Based on my experience with this, it’s no wonder people can fall into the boredom booby trap when their routine falls apart at retirement. Great post!
Hi Iain!
Your experience certainly is common and I think even working folks experience a level of apathy when routine is lacking. I remember before kids how loose and free our weekends were, but many times we actually got bored! Now we have a routine and there’s no time to be bored. In retirement, we’ll have the opportunity to build a routine more around our own interests while the kids grow into their own as well.
Best!
I retired 2 months ago from working about 40 years as an IT professional/systems analyst. I am 60 years old, married, but my husband is gone a lot and I am on my own a lot of the day. No children. I am finding myself missing the workplace, having responsibilities and feeling useful, and social interactions with colleagues. I’m sitting around doing nothing a lot. I know I need to find things to do but some days don’t have any “umph” to do much, just vegging out. I exercise 30-60 min almost every day and eat healthy. But mentally feeling bored and have a lack of direction. I’ll go out to the mall just to walk around and do something. I love to read but you can’t do one thing all day. Starting in Sept. (after a couple family events) I will be looking for volunteer opportunities. Any other ideas? I just haven’t felt that spark of inspiration on what to do. It has almost felt like depression at times. Other days are better. Probably takes more than 2 months to adjust.
Hi Judy!
Congratulations! 40 years – that’s an awesome career! I think you’re definitely on the right track with checking into volunteer opportunities. Another possibility is to considering writing about your experience either in a journal or, even in a blog? I’ve found that blogging has opened up a community that I hadn’t realized was there. Writing shouldn’t be chore, and if you enjoy it, blogging can easily take a good couple of hours in your day.
Other activities I’ve thought of:
– Mastering a foreign language (I used to meet once a tutor once per week for $20 for a single hour session)
– Master an instrument (piano, guitar, or join a choir?)
– Gardening (for me, a constant struggle due to lack of attention as I’m still working full time)
– Be a part time nanny or caregiver. So many parents (like us!) who need a wide range of coverage hours to watch and teach their kiddos
I hope you find a good rhythm, Judy. Do keep us posted how your transition unfolds, please!
I have the exact fear: the reason I didn’t retire a few years ago was because of fear of boredom! In fact, my timeline is almost identical to yours: either 08/2019 or at the most, 2022 when our kid goes to college, then we can travel around the world. I know it’s a cliche but really couldn’t figure out the alternative, other than going to work for another fun company.
Hi Eric,
Have you thought about these possible means to fill your new-found freedom?
Exercise for an hour a day. Blogging/writing. Meal preparation – learning to cook challenging things. Volunteering (working on a Habitat for Humanity home, e.g.) Take a healthy nap! READ and learn about the world you want to travel, before you get on the plane. Take up a new language or learn the guitar.
I’m sure you’ll land on a plan. These are just a few of the things on MY slate I figured I’d share. 🙂
Hi, Cubert: We’ve been researching about retirement by talking to many retirees, especially the young ones (30s, 40s). All those < 50s end up working again (starting their companies, or consulting). A common and surprising advice we got from those over 50s is: don't volunteer One told me to stay working and donate my salary instead, because you'll work with more interesting people on more interesting (and less depressing) problems.
As part of my commute to current work, I get to bike/run 2.5 miles to work every day through a park, so it kept me fit. Even though the work itself has become little tedious because, you know, after 15 years with a company, everything seems like a routine now, I keep myself engaged by taking online courses *at* work.
These are the reasons even we had been FI for a while, we decided not to RE. The 1st part is easy, 2nd part is extremely hard because it has to beat working (even when work has become boring, I'd simply look for another interesting company to work for, with less pay).
Eric! You are doing your homework, and that is to be commended. Thank you for sharing this advice. It does give me a little pause, particularly on the volunteering front. I know much of that work can be “depressing”, but there are plenty of opportunities that are less so. If anything, helping others should give us the satisfaction that we’ve done something of purpose with our hearts and hands.
Smart move keeping occupied at work with online courses. I suppose that’s better than working on blog posts. Ha!
You’ll have to check-in to share how your journey is progressing. Being FI is great, but RE is definitely the icing on the cake.
Oh yes! Boredom is possible, and it possible to be happy enough and busy enough that it does not come up.
As some have said, it is a complex thing. One reason is too close identification with the job role.
Once the loss of position hits you, you wander around wondering who you are. This can be avoided by disassociating from the job role while still working. Namely, even before quitting/retiring, make sure you have other more important things in one’s life. I was lucky, I for a long time placed more emphasis on non-work things even while I was till working.
Another issue: one needs goals and plans. Without these two, boredom is sure to follow. Before quitting/retiring, I wrote out goals and plans. Some I started while I was still working, some I jumped into the FIRST WEEK after quitting work.
Also, one needs friends and companions. Being retired and alone can be bad. So keep those friendships. Even if I have to meet them on their lunch hour one in a while (cause they are still working).
Once in a while, the feeling comes to me, now what do I do? But since I have my list, I don’t get bored.
Good luck!
Hi, Smiles! That is really great advice – build your identity around more than your job. “Disassociating” is a great way to put it!
Your point about friends and companions also resonates. Early retirees may struggle more because there’s very few of us out there. But to your point, even the working folks need a lunch (and a happy hour!)
Whoah! No one should take boredom for granted, especially in retirement! If it happens to be that the retirees are a couple, boredom can take a toll on each of them and might even affect their relationships together. Retirees should have a plan for their daily, monthly and yearly activities. A structured or routine activity is also good to ensure that the time that was previously for work hours will be covered. There are also activities that retired couples can do to preserve their relationships such as fishing, gardening, and volunteering.
How about ice fishing, Leandro? It’s still flippin’ too cold outside. Needs me some spring time thaw action! 🙂
I think it’s loss of esteem which bothers most people when retiring. Have to say it never bothered me at all and the memory of having to wake up at 5.30am on a Monday morning soon brings one back to reality ! I quit work 14 years ago and never looked back, found plenty to do and even when I’m not doing I’m happy doing nothing – I’m constantly amazed at how people can get bored doing nothing, I think it’s great and makes for a contented state of mind in my opinion ! But on the doing side there’s now (as somebody else said) social media to interact with which is great and the opportunity to contribute a few travel articles to various blogs. In short, folks shouldn’t be frightened of retirement as it opens up a whole new world, or maybe it’s just a new way of looking at the same old world – either or, it’s a great opportunity – enjoy !!
Hey Ben! A couple things that you note that I’m observing here: 1. It really helps to “do nothing” if you’re in a locale that appreciates leisure time. I’m thinking of sidewalk cafes in Paris or Rome. Maybe a hammock on a Thailand beach or Bali, etc. It’s hard to do nothing, in contrast, in the good ol’ USA where everyone around you is going 100 MPH. 2. Social Media maybe plays a better and more useful role in retirement? Can I admit that? I guess I’ll find out. For now, I’m trying to limit my social media consumption in order to focus on the many other areas needing my attention.
Great comment!
I hope I won’t get bored. Never really been bored before 🙂
I always have a bunch of things to try, and a bunch of books to read.
I actually know people who don’t read and have no interest in trying new things. Can you imagine that, in retirement especially???
i just went from working madcap shift work hours to a normal schedule 8 months ago. i’m only a couple of years from retirement and realized that all the streamlining i did to manage the bad schedule is now free time and i’m bored! gotta figure this one out pretty quick as mrs. me has plenty of hobbies and passions to pursue. mine has been just making money and playing with the dog. glad to see somebody else thinking this through. i do believe helping people and being felt needed would be a great start.
Hi Freddy! Very well said. Recognizing this now is really important. I tend to think that living in a geography that affords ease of getting out and walking is a good start. You can consume a good chunk of your day walking to or biking to errands or volunteer activities. Best – and please let us know how things shape up for you before 2020 comes!
Hey Cubert,
From what I’ve seen, it is, indeed, about structure. My grandmother takes painting classes, and has become a pretty good artist – her paintings hang on the walls of local businesses and family homes. My mom (who’s retired) takes 2 foreign languages and does other things.
So it seems to come down to several things – structure, pre-planned activities, new passions and pursuits, and a healthy social life.
That’s fantastic! What’s interesting to me is this problem mostly hits men the hardest. Women have no shortage of activities, social connections, and motivations in retirement. The men just sort of hope for the best and expect to golf it out or something.
You can do all the planning in the world for retirement and you still won’t know what your days will look and feel like until you get there.
Structure is good — and I recommend starting it before you retire. Start the blog, the exercise program, or take on a new hobby NOW. Develop a bit of a routine that you enjoy well enough to carry you through the beginning of your retirement. It will provide some equilibrium while you determine what you want to do with your time.
Totally agree about needing some kind of structure – or…. at least I do! We’ve decided to get up and exercise first thing each day. Then we have the rest of the day to get things done, go find new places to check out, and get in even more exercise some days. It’s worked out well the last month!
That is pretty darn ideal, Vicki! I just read that as we approach our 50s and 60s, we have to work that much harder to keep those muscles from shrinking. Getting out of that cube? Step 1!
A family member recently asked me if they could retire. I said no way, not because of finances but because it was obvious they’d be aimless. Aimless in retirement is a sure fire way to an early grave.
Good for you! Hopefully you offered up some ideas on how to find an aim or two?
Greetings Mr Cubert, glad you are back safe and sound! You’ll be seeing your desert tan fade any minute now 🙂
I don’t remember the last time I was bored. And that was BEFORE blogging. Now there is just way too much to do and think about. Oh well, it keeps us sharp right?
Oh boy. No tan this year – highs were in the upper 50s for this trip! At least Accuweather “real feel” was in the upper 60s, thanks to the brilliant sunshine. 🙂
Dude – I am tired of this winter. I am tired of all winters. Might need to move after all. I hear Mel Gibson’s Malibu pad is up for sale…
Boredom has never been in my life as an adult. I can’t fathom being bored. I’m just too curious of a person. There’s always something to learn, something to explore. I have far too many hobbies and not enough time. If anything I get the opposite of bored which is being a bit anxious that I don’t have the time to explore all the things I want to!
Hey there AF! Good for you! You’re probably all set for the retirement lifestyle. I think I’d put myself in your category. It does amaze me though, how many people don’t envision their lives beyond working, down to the hour. You really can’t just say “I’ll play some golf, travel a bit, and relax.” That’s just asking for it.
I’m less than 100 Days from a relatively early retirement (I’m 54), and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about life “post-FIRE”. I’ve built a bucket list, we’ve bought a 5th wheel, I’ve hooked up with a few guys who swim in the lake 3 days/wk Apr-Sep, and we recently joined a gym in our retirement mountain town. We’re being intentional in designing our life, and your article is exactly the reason “Why”. I think spending time thinking about it before you get there is one of the keys to a great retirement. At least, I hope that’s the case!
F-R-I-T-Z!!! The master stops by… I’m so geeked for your impending release from cubicle prison. That bucket list will serve you well. “Designing” your life is I think as important as the financial planning we all seem to put all our attention on. I look forward to checking in with you after your first 12 months are up. I bet you’ll be in full swing with nary a bored day in sight.
Hey, are you perhaps one of the few other extroverted bloggers like me?? The way you talk about people sure sounds like me – I was the kid who got frustrated at the end of holidays because there were no more people to be had 😉
Well… I don’t know if I qualify as extroverted, per se. I think over time I’ve become more people oriented, but I am a natural introvert. I would say though, that I like the presence of people, even if I don’t always like to interact with them (very cat like, I think?) 🙂
I live by this and don’t have any fears about boredom:
“I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.”
― Louis C.K.
Of course, as a parent, I wish if I encounter boredom once more, but don’t really see any chance for that in the following decade 🙂 Currently even a 48 hour day would not do the trick to handle everything peacefully.
Awesome. It is a big vast world, and I definitely think travel and exploration can be a key part of the mix when you are free of job and child raising responsibilities. The inward exploration gets harder – you can spend time reading, writing, learning, creating, but not all are wired as such. The extroverted will need their social connections more than ever.
I hear you all the way on the need for a 48 hour day. Man, kids are time consuming!
The lack of structure is what worries me right now and I am working on a plan to make sure I don’t become bored when I am no longer working full time next year.
Right on, Caroline! Structure is the goal. Good that you’re looking ahead NOW.
Nice one Big C, right now I don’t have time to be bored (heck, I just want more time!). But I can see the risk of being bored out of your mind if you don’t plan for extra time during retirement (early or not). Glad that I’ve enough stuff I can think of, you?
“Big C”. I like that! For a 160LB 6’0 guy, that might qualify in Europe, but not here in the beefy Midwest. LOL. Good that you’re not bored now. Just be sure to plan for the future, when all the current obligations have melted away (kids, job, etc.) When you lose that chunk of it (80%?) things are much different!
We sing from the same song book Cubert. I can’t recall a bored minute since I left full time employment almost 5 years ago. Remember that “idle hand are the devils workshop”. Tom
You don’t want to hear THIS singing voice, my friend. 🙂
Great insight! I am one of those retirees who is loving retirement because I stay busy with the activities and friends I love. I do, however, have friends who won’t retire because they wouldn’t know what to do without their work…. your blog should be required reading for everyone!
Thank you! Keeping busy is super important – and made all the better by good friends who help you stay “engaged”.