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You are here: Home / Travel and Places / Anthony Bourdain: A Tribute

Anthony Bourdain: A Tribute

May 14, 2018 by Cubert

anthony bourdain upper east side

June 8, 2018: Rest in Peace, Tony. You will be incredibly missed. Thank you for inspiring us all to be better human beings. The following is a tribute to Anthony Bourdain – he would have made a fine president.

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If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. 1-800-273-8255

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Don’t know much about the world outside your safe little zone of Americana? Too afraid to venture out more than a few states from the hospital you popped out of at birth, because you’re afraid of the non-familiar? Maybe you should consider supporting Anthony Bourdain for President.

Don’t know who this Bourdain fellow is? I’ll pull you out from under your rock. First and foremost, he’s a New York City native who embodies everything a Midwesterner would consider “New York:” The attitude, the accent, the ability to navigate walking in public spaces with aplomb. The edgy part? He grew up in Jersey.

Bourdain spent his early years in the restaurant business. He became a substance abuser, a highly respected chef, and years after coming clean from drugs, a writer. His 2000 bestseller, Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly effectively launched his star.

That’s Bourdain in the tiniest of a nutshell. There’s a whole lot more, some of which we’ll explore. We can’t just have two presidents in a row from the Big Apple, without a proper introduction.

 

Anthony Bourdain for President

First of all, what’s the most telling difference between Bourdain and the incumbent? The former would rather be filmed with a shit-eating grin over a bowl of authentic Malaysian noodles, than the latter’s shit-eating grin, over a likely tainted taco salad bowl or KFC. The symbolism is obvious: Bourdain is willing to break out of his comfort zone to observe, process, and try to rationalize the 95% of life outside our borders.

Does that make him an elitist snob? I don’t think so. Not when you could find him indulging in some of the finest delights from a Waffle House or Sizzler. And last I checked, elitist snobs aren’t frequent purveyors of mom and pop taco trucks, which are often found in the grittier parts of town.

If president, I get the sense that Bourdain would insist on rejoining the Paris Climate Agreement. I suppose when you travel to places on the fringe of global warming’s impact, you become, well, informed?

As for guns and gun ownership, that’s tough to figure. Our subject isn’t a gun owner as far as I know, but he loves to fire them off at the range. I’d be willing to bet President Bourdain would impose stricter rules on who can own anything more potent than a hunting rifle. Prove that you’re a sane and responsible citizen before you’re given the privilege (it’s not a constitutional right to own semi-automatic weapons.)

Having seen first-hand societies under the shadow of oppression, I reckon this cynical, but even-handed former chef would re-institute Net Neutrality, scale-back surveillance programs, and instead of harping on “fake news”, would take real action to prevent foreign influence in elections. I’m just guessin’.

 

Bourdain Would Be a Controversial World Leader

Bourdain would never in a million years submit to being president. Who in their right mind would give up what he’s got going, to put up with the intense, never-ending scrutiny and Congress? And let’s not forget, this entertainer and businessman comes with a checkered past and a few failed marriages behind him. Instant disqualifiers.

Honestly, when you have the best job in the world, why let your ego get in the way to pursue something as torturous as the presidency? If he were to take on the job, let’s imagine for a sec what might happen…

First off, he’d probably make enemies of all the two-faced suits currently running our government. I think he’d quickly gravitate to foreign affairs. A Bourdain Summit of the Koreas would require sampling of street food in Seoul, followed by karaoke, to lighten the mood. By the time the evening’s festivities have concluded, everyone would’ve forgotten what the beef they were fighting over in the first place.

But in reality, Bourdain would quickly tire of the routine, being stuck indoors as much as U.S. presidents are when he’d much rather be out in the world exploring (a la Teddy Roosevelt, or, at least outside in manicured nature, like our first full-time golfing president, Dwight Eisenhower.)

It is fun to imagine though, having a president with a curious mind about the struggles of folks in this country (see “Parts Unknown: Detroit”) as well as human beings abroad. I tend to think Bourdain’s no-BS style would resonate with a huge segment of our population. You know, those who have felt disenfranchised since Globalization and corporate hyper-greed have taken over the scene.

President Anthony Bourdain’s Retirement Policies

I have a hunch that if Bourdain took five seconds to consider the idea of FIRE (Financial Independence, Early Retirement), his first reaction would be, “Go back to work!” Bourdain has the best job on the planet but is a tireless worker. He’s pretty familiar with our friend Jiro too. When Bourdain travels for his shows, there’s a fairly consistent theme with the people he meets: They are like him, by and large, tireless workers.

The food stands and fish markets, the restaurants and farms. All run not by corporations, but by entrepreneurs busting their asses for a craft, they base their livelihoods on. I’m not saying we should care about whether Anthony Bourdain approves of our middle-class ability to apply the 4% rule, and retire in our 30s or 40s. But if we’re not doing something meaningful with our time, then what’s the F’ing point?

So with that, I wouldn’t expect a Bourdain presidency to go out of its way to jigger the tax code in favor of early retirees. I think by chance though, this tiny segment of the population would come out ahead, as universal health care is finally given the two sh*ts it deserves.

Who knows, we might finally get a policy that provides working moms and dads the leave and protections currently available in over a dozen other nations. We might even get universal four-week paid vacations and bolstered safety nets for those who struggle with retirement planning. We’re a far cry from democratic socialism here, and we don’t need to be Denmark. But we could put an ounce of our 1% uber wealth into ensuring no one has to suffer. ”

 

President Bourdain’s World View in Action

Ah, the infamous executive order. The tool of choice for getting around Congress, and even the law in some cases. Maybe if Anthony Bourdain were elected president, he’d secretly agree to a six-month term. Just enough time to roll out a series of executive orders I could imagine he’d put forth. After a string of no-brainer changes, he’d quickly resign to go cook homemade meals with his daughter and plan his next food bazaar project.

  1. Executive Order: All Chipotles are to be shut down immediately, their curbside space to be given out in a lottery to authentic mom and pop taco stands
  2. Executive Order: Chicken McNuggets are henceforth banned. The existing production process can continue to function as a science laboratory for understanding the weird sh*t that happens when you combine supposed animal products with chemicals.
  3. Executive Order: No more selling off of all beachfront property to land developers. Give the public a freaking chance (See “Parts Unknown: Jamaica”)
  4. Executive Order: Cuba is open for business. This does not mean we’ll tolerate or incentivize bad behavior by its government (like we currently do with China, but are beholden to its cash.)
  5. Executive Order: The Peace Corps will be radically expanded and made available to more than just college graduates, to give Americans of all ages an eye-opening and more informed understanding of the other human beings inhabiting the planet.

Oh, I’m certain Bourdain would launch several more than just these five executive orders. But six months isn’t that long of a stretch. In the meantime, let’s celebrate the world for all its variety, complexities, and gifts. Get out there and understand it before you judge it or try to change it. And for God’s sake, don’t be a tourist.

 

Featured Photo by Meredith Owens on Unsplash

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Caroline says

    June 8, 2018 at 10:12 am

    A reminder that it can happen to any of us. Mental health is so important. I still don’t (and never will but will keep trying! ) understand why my husband did it:(
    Kate Spade has a 13 year old daughter. It is devastating for their loved ones.
    GET HELP is the only message we can share.

    • Cubert says

      June 8, 2018 at 10:24 am

      Thanks Caroline. Appreciate you sharing such a personal note. It seems the most selfish thing, but we can never know what demons a person may be battling.

  2. freddy smidlap says

    June 8, 2018 at 10:06 am

    oh crap.

    • Cubert says

      June 8, 2018 at 10:21 am

      That about sums it up, Freddy. He was a giant to me and many others.

  3. Mrs. Picky Pincher says

    June 8, 2018 at 9:50 am

    I was so sad to hear about this. This, plus Kate Spade’s passing, highlights the great need so many people have.

    • Cubert says

      June 8, 2018 at 10:21 am

      Agree. We’re trending in the wrong direction, M. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Jeff D says

    June 8, 2018 at 8:52 am

    That had to be the shortest campaign. Less than a month after this post and AB commits suicide. Truly a sad day.

    • Cubert says

      June 8, 2018 at 9:21 am

      Extremely sad. He made me and many others want to see and understand (and help) the world, and not just its touristy veneer.

  5. NWA-non says

    June 8, 2018 at 8:31 am

    And he’s gone 🙁

    • Cubert says

      June 8, 2018 at 9:19 am

      It’s the saddest dang thing I’ve experienced in a long time. Sad for his family, his fans, and especially the societies he helped lift up through his open and fair reporting.

  6. freddy smidlap says

    May 17, 2018 at 2:22 pm

    you can’t beat the types of people who come from the bar and restaurant world. bad liver, low moral standards, fun lovin’ risk takers they are. i would probably not like him in person and vice versa as we’re too much alike.

    • Cubert says

      May 17, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      Funny how that works! Party people are my people!
      As for his buddy chemistry on “Parts”, he seems to do best with “lackey” types – but so do I, so I can’t begrudge the guy.

  7. NWA-non (https://www.networthanonymous.com/) says

    May 17, 2018 at 11:14 am

    Love it!

    I’ve admired Bourdain as the host and entertainer but don’t know a whole lot about him in his personal life. I have a feeling that what you have described isn’t too far from what he thinks though 🙂

    • Cubert says

      May 17, 2018 at 11:34 am

      I’d like to think I’d be as curious and perceptive in those foreign settings. I’ll say this – when it comes to food there’s very little I won’t try at least once!

      • NWA-non (https://www.networthanonymous.com/) says

        May 17, 2018 at 2:25 pm

        Bingo. I’ll try any food eaten by humans anywhere, at least once, and chances are I’ll won’t mind eating it.

  8. Tom @ Dividends Diversify says

    May 17, 2018 at 6:18 am

    Funny. We always liked his TV show No Reservations. I read recently that he does work and travel a lot. In fact, he was featured on Money magazine’s cover not very long ago. Tom

    • Cubert says

      May 17, 2018 at 6:23 am

      I didn’t mention that, Tom but good call-out. No Reservations was a fine show during its run on the Travel Channel. From what I read, Bourdain got tired of the restraints the show put on him – they didn’t want him going to the Congo, Iran, and other “hot spots.” CNN apparently has no problem sending him to those places.

  9. Tread Lightly, Retire Early says

    May 16, 2018 at 11:47 am

    Ha, I love it. Though, not too hard to pick any number of people to do a better job than we have currently ?‍♀️

    • Cubert says

      May 16, 2018 at 1:26 pm

      A-men to THAT!

  10. Todd says

    May 15, 2018 at 4:26 pm

    I’ll pass, this guy is a douche.

    • Cubert says

      May 15, 2018 at 4:28 pm

      Definitely qualifies then ?

      • Todd says

        June 8, 2018 at 8:36 am

        Welp…..

      • Cubert says

        June 8, 2018 at 9:20 am

        That’s the best you can offer when people are hurting and a person took his own life? Classy.

  11. Millionaire Doc says

    May 14, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    I love this post and I love Bourdain. Not only because he has the most awesome job in the world and probably gets paid bucket loads of money; but he seems to be a real down-to-earth guy that loves his meat on a stick. Any meat. I like how he travels the globe talking to everyone and anyone over a meal to discover just what the f*@k we are doing on this planet. Ever since reading his book and watching his shows, I’ve learned a lot – from not ordering fish at a restaurant on Mondays to opening my mind to other cultures and ways of life. And having good friends is everything. That dude has more friends around the world than I can ever imagine. Bourdain has my vote!

    • Cubert says

      May 15, 2018 at 5:27 am

      Glad you dig it, MD! We’re on the same wavelength with our admiration of this crazy cat. In some respects, his shows are like the devil for someone like me, stuck in a cubicle, dreaming about the world of good food and sunny / warm locales in the beyond. Sigh…

  12. Accidental FIRE says

    May 14, 2018 at 11:26 am

    Ha, I’ve heard of him but never seen his show. So I guess I’m only partially under a rock, but I already knew that 🙂

    “Chicken McNuggets are henceforth banned.”

    That’s a policy position I can FULLY get behind!!!

    • Cubert says

      May 15, 2018 at 5:23 am

      So now you know! Check out “Parts Unknown” on Netflix. Good stuff. He’ll make comments about fast food garbage then wind up pigging out at a Sizzler or Shake Shack. For some reason though, you come away understanding the nuance of his arguments.

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